In today’s fast-paced and achievement-oriented society, quitting is often seen as a sign of weakness or failure. For Black women in particular, this portrayal encourages and even requires us to persevere, fight until the end, uphold perfection, and become magical. However, over the past few years, Black women have not succumbed to this pressure; instead, they have chosen to embrace a softer life and are quitting their corporate jobs. In a world where anyone can be anything because of the internet, Black women are not just choosing personal growth, but are empowering themselves through happiness, and better alignment with their core values.

The dub “Soft Life” comes from an online aesthetic movement that urged Black women to relinquish the absurd notion and expectation that they do it all. Rather than live a life of stress trying to be a career mogul, a style icon, and someone emotionally available to friends and family 24/7; Black women are called to take a softer approaches. A soft life means reclaiming our time and space and spending time with the most important people. It also implies being true to ourselves and maintaining our peace. The term “quiet quitting is also mislabeled and misleading. Not all people are quitting their jobs; some are simply quitting overwork and only doing the required work listed in the job description, opting not to check their emails or phone calls when they’re out of the office, and setting boundaries.

2023 was a real turning point for me. I was drowning in my job, neglecting my health with unbalanced meals, erratic sleep patterns, and a grueling four-hour daily commute from East Harlem to Hempstead, Long Island. When I spilled this to friends and colleagues, their eyes nearly popped out of their heads. I take full responsibility for choosing a job so far away, but when you’re desperate to flee a toxic environment, you grab the first lifeline, even if it looks like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Little did I know, I was just trading one toxic job for another with seemingly greener grass. Working in various New York colleges and universities, I poured my heart into professional development and mentoring students to pursue their passions. I wanted to be the support I wished I had had in college, and for a while, I succeeded. I was good at what I did. But I couldn’t handle the constant pressure, microaggressions, and being the lone millennial or Black face in the office. I also realized that I was dimming mine while helping people find and guide their light. 

Then came the spring of 2023 and, with it, a diagnosis of endometriosis. When I brought up my struggle for work-life balance and physical toll, hoping for understanding, I was dismissed. Instead of support, I was told to wake up earlier and adjust my schedule. Once I scheduled my surgery, I knew it was my chance to break free and start living a softer, gentler life. My health is dependent on it!

Black women have always been expected to be and do everything. In a study for the National Library of Medicine, Dr. Cheryl Woods-Giscombé examined the Superwoman Schema. It’s the do-it-all cultural ideal many Black women strive to be (Nguyen, 2022). The study also reported that the female subjects had strained interpersonal relationships and stress-related health issues. Soft living is centered around self-care. While our society claims to prioritize health and wellness in our post-pandemic world, the push for normalcy feels contradictory to that. 

The persistence post-pandemic to get back to normal ignores the trauma, grief, and loss many of us faced during the coronavirus pandemic. While quarantine and mask mandates altered how we socialized during lockup, they also forced us to reevaluate work-life balance. It makes sense why expectations of the “return to normal” movement have created some constructive discharge, which occurs when working conditions become intolerable. Any reasonable person would feel compelled to quit. The pandemic demonstrated that some job functions can be completed virtually. However, some industries prohibit remote work and force employees to come into the office regardless of whether the tasks and outcomes can be achieved. Demand for flexible work conditions redefines how we view productivity. Even still, virtual work tends to create a false sense of urgency, resulting in feelings of burnout. 

It was during the pandemic when I became pregnant, and six months later, I endured the sudden birth and also loss of my daughter, who perished five days after being born. I am grateful for the stability of having a job with “City” benefits. I was able to receive great prenatal care. However, being pregnant and working from home was the loneliest I ever felt. After enduring deep grief, I managed to move forward with my career, with little to no acknowledgment of what I’ve been through. I was expected to show up on time, leave later, and work on weekends; all the while, I was crumbling inside.  It made me feel even lonelier. My emotional pain was becoming physical.  I used this to fuel me in planning my escape.

My surgery was performed in June 2023. I took my entire Medical Leave of Absence, which granted me a paid summer off and the chance to hone in on the type of woman I wanted to be and the type of work I wanted to do, not because I had to do it. I solely applied to freelance jobs and was building more brand partnerships as an influencer on Instagram.  By the end of that summer, I was offered a gig, blogging for Columbia University School of Social Workers as their communications writer. When my leave of absence ended, and it was time for me to return to my job in Long Island, I quit and put in my notice immediately. 

Unfortunately, Columbia did not extend my contract past December 2023, and now that I’m unemployed, I feel the most liberated I’ve ever felt. The weight of having a job has been lifted. I’ve earned two degrees and worked ten years in an unforgiven industry. If I want to take a nap in the middle of the day on a Tuesday – I can! As a freelancer and content creator, looking for jobs and opportunities to make money has been fun.  I have also been able to tap into a long-time dream of being a commercial model. I’ve booked two commercials and a few photoshoots and am living my softest of lives. 

In an episode of “Caresha Please,” Summer Walker (who also happens to be the name of my daughter) responded when Yung Miami asked the singer what her definition of a soft life was, Walker replied, “I’m in my soft girl era; trying to have a soft life. That means I’m not arguing with nobody. I’m not arguing with n***. I just want to relax. I just want to travel, raise my kids, and have a good time.” 

Me too, sis!

Soft living challenges capitalism and the “superwoman” stigma. Climbing the corporate ladder isn’t always sustainable and is becoming less desirable. It often comes with a cost, which is why Black women are choosing to live peacefully and stress-free. A soft life forces anyone to reflect on their wants and check in with themselves. This movement has led to a collective mentality of living more fulfilling lives while redefining work expectations.